I’ve said it before. I’ll probably say it again. Life is hard. Really hard. When you’re a teenager and can’t fathom that your parents know anything. When you’re having kids. When that job just isn’t what it was made out to be. Your spouse is testing your vows. The call came unexpectedly. None of us are immune. God, being omniscient and all, determined before time even began that I would require two moms.
Carolyn and Mary Jo were dealt a pretty salty hand. I’m told I was head strong from the beginning. Mom instilled the importance of a clean house, knowing how to follow a recipe, growing a garden, changing diapers, and numerous other life skills that exasperated me at the time. She also made sure that Jesus and the Bible were receiving attention.
My parents divorced when I was in junior high. In March of 1987, the end of my junior year of high school, dad sealed the deal with the woman God gave him and Mary Jo became stepmom (by the way I despise that word, so I won’t be using it again) to five super active kids ranging in age from 7 to 17. She had two kids of her own as well. We quickly became our own (and better) version of the Brady Bunch. (Although we didn’t have an Alice and that would’ve been nice, I think.)
REMINDER: I was a challenging kid. Although I got good grades and never got in trouble in school (except that time Dr Suellen Reed yanked me out of class in 3rd grade for not drinking my “extra milk” which my parents paid good money for), I typically pushed the envelope at home. Fights with Melinda that involved digging fingernails in to draw blood and covering her face with a pillow were common. Once I outgrew those obnoxious outbursts, I graduated to driving a car without permission (before I even had my license), busting curfew, and all other manner of teenage rebellion. I’ve joked over the years that I was simply blazing a trail as the oldest of those seven kids so they knew what NOT to do (or at least how to not get caught). Let’s just say some of them took notes and some of them must’ve skipped class.
Carolyn was raised in a home with very traditional, rural, farm family values. Don’t read anything into that statement. No hidden message intended. Mary Jo was raised in town with her dad as a high school principal and athletic director. They both had professional careers that they exceled in. They both had high expectations of us kids and they both loved us dearly. No question. They had also both experienced the loss of their dads at young ages. But Mary Jo was much younger than my dad and had life experience that would prove to be pivotal in my life very soon.
In part two of my previous series (A Word I Don’t Like), I wrote about starting my senior year pregnant. (For those like me who are slow when doing math in your head, that means less than six months after dad and Mary Jo were married.) Mary Jo got pregnant at the age of 14. So, although there was disappointment in the choices that got me to this place, I also found an understanding that I wasn’t going to get from anyone else. She had quite literally walked this path ahead of me. At the time, I’m certain I didn’t appreciate the value of God bringing her to our family. But the same could also be said about Carolyn. All of those exhausting lessons in cleaning baseboards and getting a baby bottle to the right temperature was getting ready to pay off. Although I don’t endorse teenage pregnancy, I will tell you that I was probably the most prepared to be a mom as any girl could’ve been. That’s mostly thanks to these two moms.
You know I still made mistakes. I’m sure there were countless times that their heads were shaking in frustration. This wasn’t what they envisioned becoming a grandma would look like. Still, they lead by example. And looking back after 36 years, I’m honestly grateful.
I wasn’t a fan of all the chores and responsibilities growing up. To be clear, I was angry. Why was it my job to take care of younger siblings while parents were at work? Why did I need to know how to fix a meatloaf when I was ten? Why the hell are my parents divorcing? And why is dad getting married again? But God……He knew. He used all of it to equip me. Nothing was wasted.
Despite the fact that I’m now 54 years old, two moms are still required for me. I’m still a mess. God clearly showed up and showed off for me with these two. They both deserve more than I could ever repay.
Proverbs 31:29 ~ Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.