Romans 8:18 says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us”. I had read that verse many times over the years. It seems to pair nicely with verses like James 1:2 (you know, count it all joy), Hebrews 12:1-2 (run with endurance, etc.), or even I Corinthians 2:9 (no eye has seen….what God has prepared). But when it comes to our families (specifically my boys), we don’t want to think about suffering or enduring, do we?
My Grant was born on November 30, 1995. He was perfectly healthy and made my family complete. On July 4th, 1996, Grant began to projectile vomit which was followed by extreme lethargy. We went to the ER and were seen by Dr. Kingma. He recommended that we follow-up with our pediatrician, Dr. Scott Murphy. Several times over the following months, we did just that. Based on the same symptoms repeating themselves, I firmly believed something was wrong. However, he was still growing (actually above the charts) and progressing appropriately with regard to mobility, cognition, etc. On a day in October I became desperate. I determined that I wasn’t leaving the pediatrician’s office until I had a referral to a specialist. I was told I was being an “over-reacting and irrational mother”. But guess what? I left with a referral to Dr. Joseph Croffie at Riley Hospital.
Our apppointment with Dr. Croffie didn’t go as I expected. He determined that Grant had an abnormally large head circumference. We were sent for an emergent MRI. I walked into that waiting area with Grant and just kept thinking, “He doesn’t look sick like so many of these kids”. He was a trooper that day and then we went home……..to wait.
On November 30, 1996, we received a letter in the mail. A LETTER. This letter informed us that Grant had periventricular leukomalacia. I had some medical background at that point, but certainly nothing to tell me what we were dealing with. I’ll never forget standing in my kitchen and reading it over and over. I was supposed to be celebrating his first birthday.
We were now being sent to see Dr. Bradford Hale. He was a pillar in pediatric neurology. He examined Grant face-to-face and reviewed the images closely. I’ll never forget his words. He said, “I don’t know what you believe. But I have no explanation for any of this. Grant obviously had a significant loss of oxygen to the brain in some sort of trauma. This is what caused these areas on the images. But he’s growing appropriately. He’s cognitively strong. He’s great. I think you were given those symptoms so that you would find this. We’ll just monitor him; watch for changes.”
Over the course of growing up, Grant had many concussions which took us back in for additional scans. Every time he was fine. No changes.
On a Friday in 2020, I was auditing a chart of a patient on our CCU. This patient was the same age as Grant and what do you suppose was one of the diagnosis on his list? PERIVENTRICULAR LEUKOMALACIA!!! This young man lived in a long-term care facility all of his life with tremendous physical and cognitive deficiencies and delays. Suddenly, in that moment, I understood what Dr. Hale had tried to explain to me over and over again in the years that Grant had seen him. All of those times that I prayed and wasn’t sure what God was doing. All of the times that I wondered if he heard my prayers. It took me 24 years to understand what He had spared us of. I immediately texted Grant and shared all of this with him. He was pretty overwhelmed as well. I think he understands that he’s a walking miracle. I cried on my drive home.
I’ve said on more than a few occasions that I don’t have any idea how people live without God. How do you navigate the ups and downs? The twists and turns. What at times seems like an endless barrage of challenges and struggles. Once again I find myself in awe of this God who so intimately meets me in every circumstance. His covenant with us that began back in Genesis 15 is still being realized in my life each and every day. Regardless of my faithlessness, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL and walks this life with me. He is trustworthy! I’m undone by His reckless love for me
