The following weeks turned into months and our hearts were heavy. We were seeing and experiencing things that no amount of training could ever prepare us for.
We had initially launched our daily prayer time at noon. Many were attending and tangible evidence was being seen as a result. I had failed to consider that our night shift needed this as much as anyone else; so, at some point I began coming in at 9 pm as well. If you’ve never been on a hospital unit at night, I can tell you, it can often be a lonely place. In many ways, it was legitimately a different environment to navigate.
As those weeks and months turned on the calendar, our time together changed. Without a doubt, we were still praying for our patients and every team member. But as the staff began to break under the weight of everything, we also began to show vulnerability. This was another time that Rachel shined in the dark.
Sitting in that room, one by one, they each revealed areas they were not feeling good about. Some were experiencing guilt over the extra hours being required. It was severely testing their spouses and kids. While most other people were trying to figure out how to make the most of the extra time at home with family, these people were looking for new childcare arrangements and taking their scrubs off in the garage. If family members became ill, they knew first-hand the implications and couldn’t be there to help. Every day a new challenge. Lots of tears. A fair amount of anger and frustration. Overwhelming sadness. It spanned the extremes.
Thankfully, God is merciful and even gives laughter when you least expect it. I don’t think we had a single day without some random comment or thought interjected which brought relief through the tears. It might have bordered inappropriate at times. But I chose to see it as a grace, nonetheless.
Patients kept coming. We kept fighting. One of my responsibilities was to manually track our Covid data. I documented everything from name, age, comorbidities and smoking status (just to list a few). So when we were together at noon and 9 pm I was keenly aware of who they were talking about. We learned about patient spouses, kids, siblings, and so much more. There were intimate connections that rocked us to the core.
As patients were being placed on the vent or entered their final hours of life, they were often alone. The bedside staff found themselves in the room trying to be a nurse, a surrogate family member, or even a pastor figure.
I have a distinct recollection of Rachel coming to me and saying, “I know God is telling me to pray with her. But I don’t know what to say”. I simply reassured her that God would be faithful, and she just needed to be obedient. She did just that and of course He was!
As the weeks had become months, the months became the first year. Everything was still hard. There were glimpses of hope as many patients made significant recovery. But there were also days that we experienced multiple deaths in each shift. One evening in particular, we had two codes going simultaneously (at shift change) and we literally used the entire med inventory available to us. Like every other time, I stood outside the patient room. I watched the team as they operated like a well-oiled machine. Maybe I was asked to go find additional supplies. I could’ve been asked to make a phone call. But I was always praying. Each person in my view was given over to God. I never doubted for a single moment that He heard and responded.
The generosity of the community was certainly a boost to morale for a while. Food was being delivered and baskets of snacks were in abundance. One of my favorite times was the opportunity to deliver “mail”. Because God had surrounded me with an army during my surgery, chemo, and radiation, I decided to call that army back into service. Let me tell you that they definitely delivered. As I walked to each nursing pod to hand every staff member another card with their name and a personal message, I watched “a little bit of Jesus” go a L-O-N-G way. I saw miracles. Too many to count.
We still find ourselves sifting through the rubble of that time. Little things will trigger our emotions that most will never understand. But on this side of Covid, I’ll put my faith, trust, and hope in a little bit of Jesus every single day.
Hebrews 7:22 ~ This makes Jesus the guarantor of a better covenant.