I could taste the French fries, cup of tartar sauce, and cheeseburger (with mayo, thin tomato, and pickle) just by thinking about them. Some things hold a special place in your heart and in your memories. I had planned a trip to my hometown, which is less than 30 minutes from my house. The whole ride, I kept thinking about how amazing my order was going to be. That 30-minute drive seemed like an eternity.
I pulled through the drive-up, spoke into the speaker, confirmed my order with the voice on the other end, and happily proceeded to the window. Lucky for me, there wasn’t even anyone in front of me. There would be no delay! The desire of my heart would be mine in no time.
The cute little high school girl opened the window, took my money, handed me the bag, and said, “Thank you. Have a nice day”. Oh, young lady, I can assure you, my day is now better than nice. I can almost hear the angels singing. Now I realize this sounds a bit over-the-top. But, if you know, you know.
In my excitement, I actually made a crucial error. I didn’t check the contents of the bag before I drove away. Rookie mistake, and I’m far from a rookie. I pulled out onto the highway with the contents of the bag filling the air with the most scrumptious aromas. The cheeseburger would need to wait for a minute. I needed the lid removed from the tartar sauce and placed carefully in the drink holder of my console. Next would be opening the bag of fries to place them in the other drink holder. This coupling was everything I had been waiting for. Nothing could bring me down. And then it happened.
A few miles down the road, I grabbed the sandwich and carefully unwrapped it in an attempt to eat with as little mess as possible. And that’s when the angels went silent. That first bite, and I knew something was terribly wrong. There was no cheese. You read that correctly. I said, no cheese. Now, you might not like where I take this, but my mind is a bit sketchy at times. So you’re free to leave. My feelings won’t be hurt.
I’ve prayed many prayers over the years. Some of them were just quick, SOS prayers. Many of them have been for selfish things (because my flesh is kinda fleshy). Many of them were out of desperation, as if they were my last resort. At times, I didn’t even have words. All I could mutter was, “Jesus”. And other times, I’ve prayed very precisely and with much detail, begging God for His intervention. Much like placing my order at the drive-up window, I outlined what was needed (at least in my mind). “God, please don’t let Dillon die.” “God, I know you have a plan, but couldn’t saving my marriage be part of it?” “You’re so gracious and merciful, forgiving and steadfast. Please do whatever you have to do to bring my prodigal back.”
Many times God has answered my prayers. And each time I’m in awe. But if I were to have a list that displayed the unanswered prayers, I’m guessing that list would be longer. Some might not have been answered because I wasn’t lined up with His will and purpose. Others probably weren’t answered because of reasons I’ll never understand. And even others appear to have been because He had something bigger in mind than I could ever have imagined. But if I’m to be honest, that still doesn’t always make me feel better.
This is where I learn who He is. This is where He shows me what faith really looks like. If I constantly rolled up to the speaker and each and every time the result was exactly what I asked for, what would I learn? Where would my confidence be? Our lives testify by our response when He doesn’t deliver what we’ve asked for. When they die despite our desperate pleas and we cling more tightly to Him. When the marriage is ripped apart and we lean in closer. Even when the prodigal doesn’t come home and we keep seeking His face. It might not be what we asked for. It might become something even better.
I was an angry customer for a while after that terrible day. But I can assure you that it didn’t keep me from going back. Because all I have to do is remember all of those other times that I feasted on the most incredible French fries, tartar sauce, and cheeseburger, and I’m pulling up to that speaker again. It might be a silly comparison. But I’ve told you, my thoughts are a bit sketchy most days. His answers don’t always make sense. Yet that’s where you’ll find me. “God, will you please just hear me one more time?”