I’m not sure when it actually happened. Maybe it was initially escorted into my mind and thoughts when one of my best friends in kindergarten was diagnosed with leukemia. They took him to Seattle for a bone marrow transplant; I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him again.
Or maybe it was watching my grandpa die of lung cancer. I was just a teenager, and he was younger than I am now.
My friend, Gina, has a podcast. She posed this question: Are you afraid to die?
Deuteronomy 30:19-20 says, “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore, choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying his voice, and holding fast to him, for he is your life…..” That appears to be pretty straight forward. We get to make a choice.
In Isaiah 25:8 we read, “He will swallow up death forever…” Again, this seems very simple. If “He” is going to swallow up death, I’m following.
On Sunday, Pastor Kris unpacked Luke 10. We find Jesus sending out a group along with some very specific instructions. Basically, we should be telling people about Jesus because we’re all dying and there is a place called Hell. And we should be motivated by urgency, vigilance, trust, and integrity; ultimately doing all of this out of love. We shouldn’t want anyone to go to hell. But if we aren’t telling them about Jesus, that’s precisely where they end up.
To go back to Gina’s questions, personally, I’m not afraid of death. As long as I’m sold out to Jesus, my death means life. As long as I trust and proclaim salvation in Jesus alone, I have no fear of death. But that didn’t necessarily happen overnight.
If you know me, or have read a few previous blogs, you know I have a cancer history. My initial diagnosis was 2011 (surgery and removal of lymph nodes). The second round was 2019 (surgery, removal of lymph nodes, chemo, and radiation).
Many who find themselves face-to-face with bad diagnosis often struggle with the possibility that it will return. Of course that’s a possibility. But again, we have the opportunity to choose.
I’m one of those people who refuse to let that consume me. However, I’m still human.
While riding a wave of great opportunities recently, I found myself in the ER (at the age of 54, there’s still a first time for something). No need for details right now. Let’s just say the ER physician, my PCP, and my GYN didn’t like what they saw. I won’t lie and tell you I wasn’t a little scared. Initially, the possibility of more surgery and more chemo was not on my list of great opportunities.
But God (which will be my next tattoo) met me. Right there. If surgery was the next step; let’s go. If chemo was coming again, I just gain 30 minutes of my life back every day not messing with my hair. Peace beyond my understanding. None of us can explain it. But it’s real.
This past Monday morning I had a complete hysterectomy. Pathology was present to optimize our knowledge. The “considerable” tumor showed no cancer.
There are countless ways to look at all of this. But once again, I’m choosing life. Not just because of the results. I’m choosing life in Jesus so that others will see and find Him, too.
I don’t want to die; too many things left to do. So many lost people that need to be found. But I’m not afraid to die because I know Jesus. He’s the only reason.
John 11:25-26 ~ I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.